When I first realized that I was guilty of something of that magnitude, it nearly killed me. Now I realize I’m not like Judas, or even Saul. I didn’t kill Jesus and I didn’t lead away His church. But I felt like I’d betrayed Him deeply.
Then I read a story in the Book of Mormon, similar in a lot of ways to the story of Saul, wherein a boy betrays his father’s trust and leads away the people of Christ. He was visited with a remembrance of all his guilt, and just as he thought he would be overcome, he remembered what his father said about Jesus. That through Jesus our sins can be forgiven.
I know that through Christ’s sacrifice, I can be made clean, if I change myself and mend my wrongs.